the year of magical thinking

listening to the book by joan didion. a year when everything changes. when does life and the pursuit of happiness intersect. and for how long. and then what.
profound is as profound does.
listening to deepak choopra talk about the seven stages of this the seven layers of that. obstacles, stages, passages, walking toward the ever shifting horizon of devine love. talking of Bliss and sacred moments. breathing and quieting the inner voice(s). yoga and meditation - plus learning to eat nonproblematically. "living on medication" revisted.
lots of loose talk lately between me and cynthia.
mortality. death pacts. foolish dreams and fucked up friends and neighbors. actually the people and location aren't the problem. the relationship between family and friends, friends and neighbors, family and neighbors. habits and habitual thinking. creativity and freedom. power and control. "...it doesn't take a jealous man to sing a jealous song..."
identifying boundaries and setting limits.
writing your name in the snow... doing cover tunes of the classics and posting to myspace once every three weeks. here to for vocal tracks:
hollowman (do a acoutic version)
cumbia circulado (re do with subtler vocals)
twisted sheets - remixes and dub versions
holly jolly hornpipe - this conceptual peice is worth revisiting. merging holiday tunes with ethnocentric polyrhythms - blue christmas, war is over, let it snow, etc.( 3/4 time signatures)
cheatin heart, ida red, girl i left behind, 16 tons, galway girrl, steve's last ramble, hesitating beauty, goggle eyed bee, we're all light, my brown guitar, down in new orleans, bonnie lies over the ocean. (to start)

the tyrannical mother syndrome.
have not talked with mom in over a month! life is full of activity and sleep. the unmanifest is busy becoming manifest (chores) are piling up. projects at work are not progressing. the obvious is becoming more so. skin rashes and athletes feet and neck spasms and headaches and joint aches and congestion during troubled sleep.
guilt and shame shaped behaviors.
couldn't find my little black tuner. no biggie. now i can't find my magicstomp! biggie smalls. the urge to splurge is predeeded by the need to bleed. liquidating assets and holdings. cleaning and polishing and trading and lifting and moving and storing. backyard maintenance and the threat of renewal, growth, reunion, hope is a cruel mistress.